Not much longer now....

For some reason, it just hit me. I have been so nervous and apprehensive about having a second baby. Maybe it's the fact that the first one keeps us quite busy and on our toes. Maybe I'm just realizing I'm, um, older. I haven't much stopped to think about the fact that my only child will no longer be an only. Her universe will change in every way, as will ours. How will our hearts be able to double with love bursting for each child?? How will I possibly have the energy to be the kind of mom I want to be...for two when I am already exhausted most days? These are just some of the millions of thoughts I have been waking up with in the middle of the night with the cold sweats....

Then, when I talk myself off the ledge, I think about Maddie and the adjustments she will have to make. She may actually have to wait (WHAT??!!), share her undivided attention (GASP), be patient (HA!)....these are not her, um, strengths. Maybe it will be good for her? Maybe the sharing of attention and affection will make her realize the world does not necessarily revolve around her and that's ok?? I, being one of four, realized early that I had to fall in line and share my world with three other kids! I say she'll have it easy!

 I just hope she isn't too traumatized and, in a way, I will miss sharing my Mommy world with only her. She has been my main priority and my world has revolved around her too. We are best friends and although she has forced me to tears with frustration she has truly given my life the most joy I have ever known. She makes me so proud and  I am in awe of her many beautiful qualities. I hate to "take away" anything from her.

I just hope I can parent two children, well. I still want to be the kind of Mother I am now (having learned a few things the past 3 years, of course :). I still want to craft, blog, make Halloween costumes, cook meals, play, teach...all with a job, husband, other family and friends. It seems overwhelming and well, just in time for Halloween, scary. Ghosts and Goblins...HA! I have much more fear about Madeline and Gavin (insert ghoulish noise here)! Wish me luck. And patience. And sleep....