I have had such a difficult time lately with my overly guilty conscience. I feel guilty I'm not giving Maddie enough attention. The next day, Garret, the next, work...
A friend asked why I named my blog "Wannabe Supermom"...she ever-so-graciously said, "You already are a supermom." What a nice thing to say and while I appreciated her sweetness, I contemplated this for a while. What makes a mom "super"? I certainly don't feel that way (unless you take an apron and tie it to my neck, I suppose...). With Mother's Day approaching, I have been pondering what kind of mother I am and hope to be.
I honestly thought I'd be a stay at home mom. I never factored in the finances for some bizarre reason (isn't that kind of the biggest factor??). I chose, many moons ago to do what I do for a living and while I do love it, it does not generate a hefty income. Nor does my teacher-husband's career. So, I work. Hard. And I try to be a great mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter....and frankly, it's exhausting. If there were just 7 more hours in a day and I had two more arms and a bunch more patience...
I feel like no matter how hard I try, some area of my life is suffering for all of my best intentions. If I'm kicking butt at mommy-ing, I'm failing miserably at work. If I'm being the best wife possible, my friendships fall by the wayside.
I guess my issue is that, while I fully understand my family is my priority and I must simplify as much as possible, who are these rock stars that seem to do it all...seamlessly, perfectly,
happily?! I follow blogs and have friends that I am convinced are either A: undercover superheros or B: heavily medicated (hee, hee). But seriously, how do they do it?? And how can I follow in their fabulous footsteps??
Or....am I doing ok? Is it normal to have days that your most precious gift from God causes you to end up in the fetal position in your closet weeping? To want to just shut off your phone and decompress? To know your husband is human but expect him to read your mind and just do the laundry, no asking needed?
I, admittedly, have often worried too much about what others think of me. It's a horrid personality trait that I work on feverishly and am improving upon, but nonetheless... Maybe everyone feels this way. Maybe we just don't talk about it enough. Maybe we should.
Being a mom, heck, being a
woman is hard work. We take on the world and put often unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We do so much for others, so little for ourselves. It really is daunting and striking a good balance is, well, nearly impossible.
For all of my concern, I truly do feel that the best we can do is our
best and while I know I am far from perfect, most days I can strike a decent balance. I have a happy little family, great friends and a job I love (with reasonable hours, so I
can make parenting the priority). I make dinner, I play with my daughter, I keep house, my patients seem to think I'm pretty awesome and my husband, well, he's the bomb. So, maybe my meals aren't made from scratch and the laundry is getting knocked over by the ceiling fan. Maybe my kiddo has jaggedy fingernails and I haven't showered in three days. Who cares? Is striving for perfection just making us all nuts? I'm going out on an I-know-nothing-about-anything limb and saying as long as we love God, one another and do our best, we're succeeding! Sure, let's go with that because
that I can do! All you need is love...love is all you need? Here's to hoping.... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the wannabe supermoms out there! You rock! XO
